What started as IDC (Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma) in 2011, then turned into CHF (Congestive Heart Failure) in 2013, probably partially caused by chemotherapy along with a genetic pre-disposition. Here we are now in March 2016 and I am newly diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer in the left breast and liver (LMBC - liver metastasized breast cancer).

So the focus has shifted yet again, BUT... I continue to THANK YOU for your prayers, love & support. I receive them with open & loving arms. My wish is that I will gain strength from you, will provide helpful information and strength to others & will help to strip away the fears we each experience.

I am strong. I am loved. I am healthy. I WILL SURVIVE!

Have you or your loved one had their annual mammogram? PLEASE, don't put it off. Speaking from experience, I highly recommend monthly self exam as well. And if you are now cancer free of breast cancer, do everything you can to insist that your doctors follow up with an occasional PET Scan and labs for tumor markers.

Contents may be uplifting, sad, funny, scary, downright depressing ~ THAT IS CANCER .... at it's best, at its worst.

PLEASE ~ Feel free to share this blog with anyone who is interested to learn about my journey. While I welcome their support, I hope that by sharing this experience freely to the universe I may help to support others by breaking down some of the barriers and fear associated with breast cancer and the treatment.


Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Posting is Getting Harder

Harder, because the down days have been more frequently and it is difficult for me to stay up beat and write when I'm just laying around like a slug; sleeping for an hour or more only to awake and find myself laying on the couch a half hour later and sleeping some more! Of course there are other things that go with this like lack of appetite, queasy stomach, just an overall blah, woe-is-me, kind of feeling. Add to that rain, rain, and MORE RAIN! What is going on here?

My concern is that there will be more and more of these "down days" in between each chemo infusion to where there will be fewer and fewer good days between each one. That, my friends, is not something I anxiously await -- it is something a fear terribly. So..... I will try to stay positive that this was just one of those series where my body had a lot of catching up to do. Perhaps the new drug, Taxol, which begins with the next series (5 of 8) will have less fatigue. I can hope, can't I?  :-)

But yesterday was a sun filled gorgeous day here on Brookfarm in Glen Ellen, CA. And we got out in it and took a drive to Rohnert Park, which felt almost normal. Mind you I still got tired and napped a couple of times, but not like the  three days previous. You see, we have two more crias ready to pop at any moment and only have one cria coat. A cria coat is a little blanket that wraps the crias body for cool nights and stormy days for these first few weeks when their body's thermo-regulator is not quite working up to speed. So we picked up the supplies for a sewing project and some buttons for the BSJ (Elizabeth Zimmermann Baby Surprise Jacket) that I've almost completed. I think the cute turtle buttons will be the perfect accessory to this adorable knit jacket, although this baby will need to be a two year old toddler for it to fit properly. Guess my guage was off a bit!  :-)

And when we got home from our little excursion, I forced myself out to do some pruning in the garden before the sun set. It felt good to put on my gardening gloves for the first time in forever, dead head some things, and fill up the cart. I even got evening chores 3/4 complete before Mark came out to check on me.

And today is already looking up. I awoke at 4am, as usual, and was feeling kinda good for a change. I have not gone back to sleep yet and it is already nearly 8am. This is a good sign. I've done some bookwork on the computer, written some thank you cards, checked email, knit on the BSJ, and even considered going out to do chores early and surprise Mark. But I will squeeze in a mid-morning nap in preparation to spend the day with Sarah. It is our hope to sort some fiber. After, shearing day is one month away and there is still fiber to send out from the 2010 shearing. And we will celebrate a dinner with Sarah and Chris to honor her birthday of Sunday.  Some Himalayan take out is starting to sound good to me. Yum!

So I do think things are finally looking up. This gives me a glorious week before next treatment and I promise to cherish every moment. Especially Thursday when I get together for an early dinner with girlfriends.  YIPPEE! Now if I can somehow capture this feeling for those 4+ days in between each chemo series and try to stay positive and upbeat. And I know I can with you, all my dear friends, out there rooting for me and helping me to remember there is an end in sight, and it is getting closer each day. Count down right now to end of chemo is 51 days, 15 hours, 50 minutes, 13 seconds!

So... die cancer die; blast those cancer cells to smithereens!!!!

Hugs, Debbie... aka the cancer warrior; AND survivor 



  1. Hi Debbie, you are such a cancer warrior! Even feeling at your lowest, you forge ahead and keep up that positive attitude.

    I am sure it felt so good to get out in the sunshine and get a few things done and have that wonderful feeling of accomplishment.

    Gardening is so rewarding! Even though I still have 4 inches of snow on the ground, I had to get out in the garden to do some pruning yesterday, also. Thank goodness for 35 degrees and sunny skies. I felt rejuvenated and I am sure you did also after your pruning.

    Debbie, I will pray for days of feeling better, sunny skies and fun times with family and friends. Hugs always, ~Michelle

  2. Deb,
    just ask Mark to grab you a chair and put it out in the middle of the deck where there is some nice sun and just sit...... and let the warmness of this wonderful asset that we have been missing for weeks .......come into every pore of your'll feel way better and so will your cancer fighting cells!! I used to do that on my tough days and it was really helpful.....makings sure that you don't over do it!!
    hang in there are doing spectacular!


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