What started as IDC (Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma) in 2011, then turned into CHF (Congestive Heart Failure) in 2013, probably partially caused by chemotherapy along with a genetic pre-disposition. Here we are now in March 2016 and I am newly diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer in the left breast and liver (LMBC - liver metastasized breast cancer).

So the focus has shifted yet again, BUT... I continue to THANK YOU for your prayers, love & support. I receive them with open & loving arms. My wish is that I will gain strength from you, will provide helpful information and strength to others & will help to strip away the fears we each experience.

I am strong. I am loved. I am healthy. I WILL SURVIVE!

Have you or your loved one had their annual mammogram? PLEASE, don't put it off. Speaking from experience, I highly recommend monthly self exam as well. And if you are now cancer free of breast cancer, do everything you can to insist that your doctors follow up with an occasional PET Scan and labs for tumor markers.

Contents may be uplifting, sad, funny, scary, downright depressing ~ THAT IS CANCER .... at it's best, at its worst.

PLEASE ~ Feel free to share this blog with anyone who is interested to learn about my journey. While I welcome their support, I hope that by sharing this experience freely to the universe I may help to support others by breaking down some of the barriers and fear associated with breast cancer and the treatment.


Sunday, November 13, 2016

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance

Grieving the recent election of 2016:  The stages of grief ~ Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance...

Did we just elect a T. Rex????? Here's a little link to help explain what that is all about.

Each morning of late is getting a bit better. I don't think I am over the "loss" and finished grieving yet, maybe I am just numb, but it is getting better. Each day I awake thinking I will get up, drink a healthy smoothie, put on my big-girl pants, and move on with my day, my life, just whatever I needed to move on with or from. The first few mornings were filled with tears, and so much more. The last couple of days have been much better. What has helped a lot is talking to my hubby, my daughters, lots of girlfriends over lunch, and to learn the majority of them are feeling very much the same.

Some of Facebook has been hurtful, but I know we are all grasping at something, some hope, some feelings that things will get better. Is it wishful thinking. The verdict is out and time will tell. I am at a "wait and see" moment.

It is the "friends" who sat there not willing to discuss the election, talk about their candidate, that then went back and seemed to troll over things from days before and suddenly feel so bold to gloat and talk and criticize, say "get real and get on with your life, or put this behind you". Those are the ones I have a problem with.

I know I put my self out there. I think I did so with respect for others and integrity. It was a matter of feeling passionate about my candidate of choice, Hillary Rodham Clinton, and my utter disgust for what her opponent represents, his character, and so much more that I will not elaborate right here. I knew I was taking a chance, and I took lots of hits and arguments, and tried to respond thoughtfully. I wasn't ashamed, or afraid, to get behind Hillary. I am still With Her, Stronger Together, Pantsuit Nation rocks. 

I am not always so vocal, or such a student of an election or candidates, but so much seemed to be at stake here. To learn that nearly half of our Nation didn't even bother to vote, what were they thinking?

Okay... the President-Elect is not my choice. Is he my President? Well... not yet. It may take me through to January to get to that point. I'm even considering the Women's March on Washington that month. We shall see how I am then, and if it is in the cards. But I will be there in spirit for sure.

Right now, I am grieving, as are so many other from what I am observing and hearing. Grieving is a process, and that is what I am doing. Yes... this was devastating, disappointing, and heart wrenching. If you don't understand that; then you don't get what empowered the passion of more than 50% of our Nation in this election. I am hard pressed to understand how anyone could get behind the President-Elect. Does that make me a bad person? No. Does it make anyone that voted for him a bad person? No. Does it mean those who voted for him agree with all of his ideas and ideals? ABSOLUTELY NOT! But how anyone could vote for a man who disparages so many minorities, and women. A man who has been accused of atrocities and talks boldly about sexually assaulting women and treating them as something less than equal. This is not about "not liking" someone. I hope and pray that those he puts in powerful places honor our country and what it stands for; although it is not looking so at the moment if all the predictions so far this 5th day after the election come true. 

The other day I changed my Profile Pic on FB to a safety pin. The safety pin signifies that I am a safe person to talk to, or feel comfortable around. It comes from safety pins worn in the UK during Brexit. I've read some very heartfelt comments over on Pantsuit Nation on this of people who were being bullied, or just felt so out of place somewhere and seeing a safety pin on someones shirt smiled and acknowledged back to them with a Thank You. Then other's started posting other contrary reasons about the safety pin idea from the UK during Brexit. It's hard to know what to believe, and not believe, anymore. We are all hurting and sensitive. 

I thought of signing off Facebook the other day. It was all just too depressing and overwhelming; especially with my surgery coming up next week and wanting to be as strong as possible, mentally, emotionally, and physically on that day. No. Instead, I will continue to be vocal when I feel strongly about something. I'll continue to believe in a world where someday women are respected by all men and not looked at, or treated, as objects or someone/something who is inferior, where we have the right to choose for ourselves and our bodies. I will continue to love my Country; one in which everyone needs to be welcome and respected -- all women, ethnicities, minorities, disabled, veterans, LGBTQ, EVERYONE; a Country where equal pay for equal work is the norm; where you and I can love and marry who we please; where are children are cared for and loved, nurtured, educated, and protected.

The take away....
I just want others to know that I want them to be safe, feel safe; and I don't care what color their skin is, what gender or sexual preference, what nationality or religious beliefs, whether they are a vet or disabled, and on and on. I just want us all to be able to live in a country where we are respected and treat each others as equal, where we can get along and laugh and enjoy each others company. Where our government does what it can to help those forgotten and in need without going overboard and needling in things it shouldn't. I guess this is a lot to ask for, and I'm struggling with how to move forward. 

But I will, and in good time.  

Peace and Love

Die cancer, DIE. You are messing with the wrong woman!!

Debbie... aka the cancer FIGHTER, AND Cardiomyopathy warrior!!!

THANKS for visiting!        I look forward to your comment.

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